


Talk

by Sjoeks



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brotherly Angst, Death Eaters, Drama, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Pureblood Politics, first wizarding war, regulus joins the death eaters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 18:43:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4447475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sjoeks/pseuds/Sjoeks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regulus' family expects him to join the Death Eaters, but Regulus is hoping Sirius will save him. <br/>ONESHOT & COMPLETE<br/>"Brother…" Regulus asked hoarsely, "Help me… I'm so scared to make a mistake…"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talk

Regulus Black woke up in his room. He slowly opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling, thinking about his vacation so far. Christmas had been like every Christmas: his cousins Bellatrix and Narcissa had been there with their husbands, and they had all been bragging about their loyalty to the Dark Lord. His mother and father had rambled on and on about how pureblooded wizards were better than mudbloods and halfbloods and about what a shame it was they existed. The mudbloods and halfbloods that was. Regulus had sort of missed his brother, who liked to rebel against their parents’ words and ideologies.

To be honest, Regulus had missed Sirius a lot lately. He knew his brother had never really liked him, but still he couldn’t help but look up to him. Sirius was so brave. Regulus was a coward and he knew it. He didn’t rebel against his parents, because he was too afraid of what they might do to him, but he didn’t like the way they talked about muggles and mudbloods. Somewhere deep inside of him, he knew that all man were equal, whether they were wizards or muggles. But he was too afraid of his parents to speak up. He’d seen it far too often already what they were capable of. He’d seen Sirius’ black eyes and he’d heard him screaming, even though Regulus pretended to be blind and deaf.

And then Sirius disappeared out of his life. He ran away, he’d had enough of their parents’ crap. He left Regulus alone. He knew his mother mourned over Sirius running away, but he also knew she had the wrong reason. She barely hated the fact that she’d failed. She didn’t _really_ mind that her oldest son was gone, just that she’d failed. What would people say?

“Master Regulus?” came a soft voice from where Regulus knew his door was, “Are you awake? Your mother wants you downstairs for breakfast.”

“Sure Kreacher,” Regulus sighed as he climbed out of his bed, “I’m awake. Tell mother I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

Kreacher bowed and left the room again. Regulus walked slowly to the sink and threw some cold water into his face. It was the last day of the vacation. Tomorrow, he’d be going back to Hogwarts. Back to his brother.

“Good morning, mother,” Regulus said as he entered the dining room, “Good morning, father.”

His father was reading the Daily Prophet and his mother was sipping from her tea, looking both very pleased with herself and very annoyed at something else. Probably some _one_ else. Regulus just hoped it wasn’t him.

“Your cousins will be over for dinner tonight,” she told him. That seemed to be the part she was pleased about, “So I want you to be at your best. You’ll pack your trunk this afternoon, and I want you to wear your formal clothes, am I understood?”

“Yes mother,” he whispered, wondering why the hell his cousins were coming over. He’d seen them last week!

“Don’t give me that attitude, boy,” she sneered at him, “They’ve come to offer you something great and amazing.”

“I’m already looking forward to it,” Regulus said, trying to sound more happy than annoyed. He knew Bellatrix. Something that was great to her, couldn’t be good for the rest of the world.

“Regulus!” his mother snapped, “You’re starting to sound like your brother and I will not have two of _those_ in my household!”

Regulus was a bit shocked to hear his mother talk of Sirius and apparently, his father was as well, as he dropped his paper a few inches and stared at his wife. Since Sirius had run away, more than a year ago, she’d pretended she only had one son. Regulus hated that. He had a brother, even though he’d run away. And with being an only son came a lot of pressure. His mother really wanted him to be perfect.

“Mother,” he said softly, but he didn’t know what to say next, so he shut up again. She looked at him angrily and he looked at the table, “Yes mother.”

“When you’re done eating, I want you to go to your room,” his mother said, “I’ll call you when you’re allowed downstairs again. Why don’t you take a few papers to your room? That way you can add some articles to your collection.”

“Yes mother,” Regulus said. That was another thing. His ‘collection’. Ever since he turned 12, his parents had wanted him to collect articles about the Dark Lord. They loved his ideas and they wanted him to love them as well. Sure, he was proud to be a Slytherin – although he’d rather been a Ravenclaw – but the Dark Lord was taking it to a whole new level. A level where Regulus didn’t want to come. The more articles he read and collected, the more he was convinced that the Dark Lord was crazy. Hating muggles was one thing, but killing them was something entirely else.

He finished his breakfast and grabbed the articles that were waiting for him. He wondered what he’d find today. Torture? Killings? People missing? He hated it, he really did. He didn’t understand how someone could be so cruel. He didn’t understand why his parents loved the Dark Lord so much. He wished Sirius was still here.

Regulus filled his day with packing his trunk and going through papers. In the afternoon, he wrote a long letter to his best friend. He was in Ravenclaw and they didn’t talk to each other often openly. They usually snuck to the kitchens at night when they wanted to talk, because neither the Ravenclaws, neither the Slytherins would approve of their friendship.

“Master Regulus?” Kreacher called. Regulus looked up from the mirror he’d been staring in – he was adjusting his tie – and nodded towards his house-elf.

“Your mother wants you downstairs, your cousins have arrived,” Kreacher said. Regulus nodded and sighed. When he entered the living room, all conversations fell silent and everyone looked at him. Narcissa smiled at him warmly and Lucius had an unreadable look in his eyes. Rodolphus and Bellatrix just looked annoyed. His parents looked pleased.

“Hello Regulus,” Narcissa smiled. He nodded towards all of them and gave them small bows. He was hungry. His eyes flashed to the big clock and he realized what caused his hunger. It was pretty late already.

They had some small talk, mostly about how dirty muggles were and why wizards should be allowed to hunt mudbloods down. Their conversations weren’t really interesting to Regulus, but he knew what the consequences would be if he showed he was bored.

After a while, they finally moved to the dining room. Kreacher brought in a feast. He’d cooked all kinds of food and it reminded Regulus a bit of Hogwarts. Apart from the absence of warmth and love. And the muggle-loving fool that was their headmaster. Dumbledore was nuts. Totally one hundred percent nuts. But he was also wise and kind.

“Regulus,” Bellatrix said after a while, “There is something we would like to discuss with you.”

Aha, they were getting to the point after all. He’d finally know what his parents were so pleased about. He just hoped it wouldn’t be too bad. Like killing his brother or something. That would be an awful thing to do. No one touched his brother and lived. Even though Regulus was the youngest and Sirius would never understand his motivations.

“Yes?” he asked softly. Bellatrix started rambling about the greatness of the Dark Lord again and she didn’t stop for a long time. Regulus smiled and nodded, pretended to listen and agree.

“So,” Bellatrix said, sounding both proud and confused, “The Dark Lord wants you to join his Death Eaters.”

A silence fell over the table as everyone stared at Regulus. He was shocked. He was only sixteen, why would the Dark Lord want _him_? Why would _he_ want to join the Dark Lord? This was bad. Oh Merlin, this was really bad.

“I…” Regulus stammered, “What if I don’t want to?”

His mother’s hand came out of nowhere and connected with his face hard. Regulus could feel his eye swelling. His other eye looked very shocked at the people in the room. Those people stared back shocked and angrily. Bellatrix and Rodolphus didn’t seem to understand why anyone _wouldn’t_ want to join the Dark Lord, Lucius looked as if he’d seen this coming, Narcissa was scanning his face, as if she was trying to find out what was going on in his head and his parents looked so angry, that Regulus wanted to hide from their scowls.

“What?” his mother hissed. Then she repeated herself, screaming: “WHAT?”

“I’m sorry!” Regulus cried, “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to upset anyone. I’m just confused. I’m sorry!”

“You better are,” his father said lowly.

“It’s okay Regulus,” Narcissa said softly, “I understand it is confusing. After all, you’re only sixteen. But it’s an honor really, that the Dark Lord wants you to join his Death Eaters. Why don’t you think it over for a day or two, and then you send us an owl with your answer? Does that sound less scary and abrupt?”

Regulus had never loved his cousin more. Usually, she didn’t say much. But now, she was more or less saving his life. A couple of days more to think this over. Well, in fact he’d already thought it over and he already knew his answer: no, he did not want to join the Death Eaters, even though Cissy and Bella thought it was great.

But a couple of days more meant reprieve of execution. It meant he’d go back to Hogwarts tomorrow and see his brother. It gave him a chance to talk to him, because Merlin, he wanted to talk to his brother right now. He needed to help him, to save him from his family’s claws. Sirius had been able to break free from them before, so Regulus was pretty certain he’d be able to help Regulus as well.

“Thank you, Cissy,” he whispered. The rest of his family didn’t look to happy with it, but they didn’t say anything about it.

“Go to your room, Regulus,” his mother said in a very dangerous voice. Regulus knew not to mess with her when she sounded like this and he already had one black eye, so he laid down his cutlery and excused himself from dinner. Everyone stared at him as he left the dining room, and Regulus was certain they started talking about him the moment he left the room. His mother’s angry voice followed him up the stairs. He knew they all wanted him to become a Death Eater.

He slowly undressed and put on his pajamas. He threw some water into his face and examined his eye. It was purple and swollen and he knew people would ask about it tomorrow. He guessed he’d just have to tell them he’d walked into a door or something. Or maybe he could invent some crazy and adventurous story, where he’d run into a muggle who’d tried to kill him. He could make himself sound like a hero. Of course, all of his friends who were from the same social class as he was, would know what had really happened. But no one was crazy enough to discuss the child abuse they had all been exposed to while growing up.

Regulus didn’t sleep well that night. He kept on tossing and turning and he thought about how he’d tell Sirius what had happened. He went over their conversation in his head a gazillion times. At first, it sounded all wrong, but after a couple of hours, it started to sound right. By the time Kreacher entered his room to wake him up, Regulus knew exactly what he was going to say and how Sirius would react to his words. He’d thought it all over.

In the train, he told his friends he’d tripped over some dirty laundry and had accidently slammed into his door. They all laughed at him, shaking their heads, trying to make him believe they believed it. But they all had that look in their eyes. That look of knowledge. The same look Regulus had worn a thousand times before, when his friends had ‘walked into doors’ or ‘fallen of stairs’. He ignored them.

When they finally arrived at Hogwarts, Regulus couldn’t wait to leave his friends and look for his brother. He told his friends he still needed to go to the library and they let him go. He just hoped he’d run into his brother. Dinner was over already, and there was a pretty big chance he’d gone to his common room. Regulus was nearly bursting with panic: what if he didn’t find him?

“Sirius!” Regulus cried when he finally spotted him. Sirius looked up to see who’d called him. Next to him were Potter and his redheaded girlfriend, whose name he’d forgotten. When he saw it had been Regulus who’d called his name, he looked away and walked a bit faster, while talking a little louder. He could hear his brother’s voice, and just the mere sound of it made him already feel a bit calmer.

“Sirius, wait!” he yelled again, “I just want to talk to you.”

Sirius ignored him, speeding up a bit more. The redheaded girl was nearly running to keep up with him. Potter said something Regulus couldn’t hear, but Sirius burst out laughing. His barking laugh made Regulus’ heart leap.

“Please, Sirius,” he pleaded. The redheaded girl grabbed his arm and they slowed down a bit. She said something to him, but Sirius shook his head and pulled his arm back.

“Sirius,” this was so not going as he’d planned it, “Please Sirius, it’s important.”

The girl grabbed his arm again and turned him towards her, so they were facing each other. Regulus could see Sirius was angry. She said something and Potter seemed to side with her. Sirius shook his head again.

“Forget it!” he snapped at them. Then, he finally turned towards his brother, “Go fuck yourself, Regulus!”

“You don’t understand!” Regulus cried, “I really need to talk to you. Please…”

“Why don’t you talk to your lovely Death Eater friends?” Sirius said. He didn’t need to scream anymore, as Regulus had gotten close enough for (almost) normal conversations.

“Please…” he begged.

“You’re not worth my time,” Sirius said haughtily and he turned away from his brother. Regulus could feel tears welling in his eyes, and he went with his sleeve over his eyes roughly. He was weak enough as it was.

“Just talk to me…” Regulus’ voice was quivering and Potter and his girlfriend looked at him with a sorry look in their eyes, “I just want to talk to you…”

“Prongs, Lily, are you coming?” Sirius asked brusquely, ignoring his brother again.

“Brother…” Regulus asked hoarsely, “help me… I’m so scared to make a mistake…”

“Sirius,” the girl said softly, “I really think – ”

“I don’t care what you think, Lily,” Sirius snapped, “You don’t know him like I do. Are you two coming or not?”

“We’re coming,” Potter said, taking Lily’s hand, “Relax.”

They walked away from him. Tears were spilling over Regulus’ cheeks and he was shaking. This couldn’t be happening. His brother was supposed to help him, to save him. And now he didn’t even want to talk to him.

“They want me to join the Death Eaters!” he cried after his brother. Potter and Lily (he really couldn’t remember her last name) looked at each other shocked and even his brother stopped death in his tracks. He didn’t turn around and it was silent for a few very long seconds. Regulus could feel his heart beating against his chest.

“Then join them,” Sirius answered slowly. He walked further and disappeared around a corner. Lily and Potter seemed even more shocked now. They stared after their friend and then glanced quickly at Regulus, who felt like he was dying right there and then. And then, they followed their friend and Regulus was left alone. He covered his face in his hands and sobbed. He’d left him alone again. His brother had left him all alone again and he was so scared.

Regulus screamed long and loud and his scream echoed through the empty corridors of Hogwarts. He’d never felt so alone in his life. He’d never felt more miserable and scared. He wanted to slit his wrists, to jump of the astronomy tower, to drown himself in the lake. He simply wanted to vanish from the world.

After a few hours – it could have been minutes, or days – Regulus dried his cheeks and made up his mind. He walked towards the owlery with as much dignity as he had left. No one crossed his path and the snow was falling in thick flakes. The wind was howling and all of those things made Regulus feel as if he were the only person left on earth. He actually wished he was the only person left. Then at least, no one was offering him to join the Death Eaters. _Offering_.

He pulled a small piece of parchment and a quill out of his cloak. He shouldn’t have hesitated when they’d told him what he could become. He knew Narcissa had tried to be nice to him, but she really shouldn’t have. He should have told his parents this back at home. It had been a stupid idea to find Sirius. Sirius didn’t care about him. The only people who did care about him, were his parents and Narcissa. And he would make them proud. Even if he’d loathe himself for the rest of his life, he’d at least make the people who cared about him proud. He put the quill against the paper and wrote:

_I’d be honored to join the Death Eaters._

**Author's Note:**

> One of my older stories, but I still like it. If you see any mistakes, feel free to point them out.  
> If you liked this story, you may also like my story 'Shades of Black', which is also about the dysfunctional mess that is the Black family.


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